The Dangers of Apparating on an Empty Stomach
by nahuala
Summary: Ron falls in love with quesadillas. Disaster and hilarity ensue


What is This Place?

Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Harry were sitting in their shared flat exchanging stories and butterbeer, laughing and enjoying their lives after the Second Wizarding War.

"Ginny," Hermione asked sweetly, "could you please refill our drinks?"

Ginny smiled politely and left for the kitchen, sneaking a surreptitious wink at Harry. Harry quickly stood up, catching Ginny's wink, and also left for the kitchen. Ron smiled a knowing smile at him, and Harry shrugged and walked out of the room.

Once they were sure the other two were out of earshot, Hermione turned to Ron.

"Why do we always spend all of our time with Harry and Ginny?" she inquired. "They always go off and do things together but every time it's just the two of us, you just want to watch the Quidditch game!"

Ron shuddered, "I'm a man. I have needs."

"You're ridiculous!" Hermione stood, facing Ron, "We're going somewhere today to have a nice afternoon together without Quidditch."

Ron whimpered. "Can we get something to eat first?"

"NO." Hermione stated firmly. She grabbed him by the hand and apparated as quick as a snitch. Hermione was thinking of a lovely beach front hotel on the coast of Mexico that she had recently seen in a Muggle magazine in her parent's dental waiting room. Ron, however, was thinking about food, per usual, especially meat. Their conflicting thoughts on the matter caused their apparition to go out of control!

When she opened her eyes, Hermione was perched upon the shoulders of a large, mustached man. She quickly hopped off and began apologizing profusely. She heard the unmistakable yelp of Ron from close by. Turning away from the man, she looked for Ronald and found him sitting atop a strange contraption.

A chubby Hispanic woman yelled, "Ay! Chico! Sal de mi fabricante de tortillas!"

He hopped off quickly, rubbing his behind.

"What?" Ron questioned, patting away the smoke rising from his trousers. "Where in the world are we?"

"I have no idea" Hermione answered "I've never seen anything like this place before."

They looked in front of them and saw this enormous display of piñatas. They looked to their right and saw a crowd of confused looking Mexican children frozen in the process of eating their churros. To their left, they saw a vast array of strange fruits and vegetables with unusual names. They turned around and saw a small kitchen area with the luscious smell of well seasoned meat and peppers wafting from the fryers. Ron turned slowly to Hermione and said,

"Where did you take us, woman? Some obscure alternate universe?"

"No Ron! It's all becoming clear to me!" Hermione's eyes widened as she began to put the pieces of the puzzle in place. "We wanted to go different places and so it took us to a completely new, and really tasty smelling location!"

"Yeah but where?" Ron questioned desperately

"Well, I don't exactly know that now do I," Hermione answered sharply "but I'm sure one of these nice people do."

Hermione tastefully smoothed down her skirt and walked to the nearest person, who happened to be the bewildered mustached man on whom she was atop earlier. She smiled and said,

"Sorry to intrude, but could you be so kind as to tell us where we are?"

The man stared blankly and pointed to the chubby woman with the tortilla machine. Hermione glanced over to her and asked the same question. She answered in the same manner as the mustached man pointing to a small child to her left.

"Excuse me, but where are we?" Hermione asked, clearly stressed.

"La Michoacana señora." The child answered her.

"Thank you." Hermione smiled sweetly at the child and turned back to Ron "I don't have any idea where we are!" she whispered audibly "I don't recognize the language and no one seems to speak English!"

"Well as long as we're here, we might as well eat some lunch." Ron suggested. He approached the counter and looked behind it into the kitchen. "That looks pretty good." he pointed to a dish that looked similar to a pancake, but with cheese in the middle. "One of those." He told the lady behind the counter, holding up one finger and pointing to the cheese pancake.

"Si, un quesadilla por el gringo loco, Pedrito!" she yelled behind her towards the door leading to the cooking area. "Cinco dolores, por favor."

"Dolores? Umbridge? Where? That bitch is following me, I swear." Ron looked frantically over his shoulder.

"Ron. Calm down. I just remembered something quite important," said Hermione, "we're magical."

"Quite right, Hermione!" Ron smiled.

Hermione took her wand from her pocket and cast a translation spell on the entire building, and red, white, and green lights appeared above each person's heads. There were confused murmurs throughout the crowd.

"What is on you head, Carlos?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Who are these people?"

"Well, that worked well!" Ron said.

"You owe me five dollars!" said the lady at the food counter.

"Oh! _That's _what you were telling me!" Ron replied.

"Yes," She repeated "five dollars."

"Well, we're British so all I can give you is a couple of pounds."

"Fine." The lady shook her head and took Ron's money, "just take your quesadilla and get out of my shop!"

Ron took his quesadilla and had the most intense foodgasm of his life. Ron cursed a happy profanity and hugged the lady behind the counter.

"Where have you been my whole life?" Ron whispered into her ear.

"RON!" his girlfriend said.

Ron got out of the woman's grasp and went to his girlfriend's side cradling the quesadilla in his hands.

"Now that we all speak English here, where are we?" Hermione asked.

Hector, the mustached man spoke up and said, "Its La Michoacana, its a Mexican supermarket and taqueria."

"Where is this 'Michoacana' in relation to England?" Hermione inquired.

"England?" Hector laughed, "You're about as far as you can get. This is the bottom of Texas! How did you get here anyway?"

"We're wizards!" Ron said. Then they both apparated immediately back home.

The Mexicans were awe struck.

There was silence throughout the store.

Then Ron apparated back to the market and said, "Can I get about 150 more of the kesuhdilaz?"

"Come on back, you crazy white boy, I'll get you an enchilada for the road."

"How did you make these? Are they marinated in happiness?"

THE END


End file.
